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Its all good...

Baby, it's all good! - A modern hijab poem

Author unknown

What do you see when you look at me
Do you see someone limited, or someone free
All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair
Others think I am controlled and uneducated
They think that I am limited and un-liberated
They are so thankful that they are not me
Because they would like to remain 'free'

Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used
Describing women who are cheated on and abused
They think that I do not have opinions or voice
They think that being hooded isn't my choice
They think that the hood makes me look caged
That my husband or dad are totally outraged
All they can do is look at me in fear
And in my eye there is a tear

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
But because people are ignoring the One up above
On the day of judgment they will be the fools
Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules
Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie
But at least I am filled with more inner beauty
See I have declined from being a guy's toy
Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind
And aren't busy looking at my behind
Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause
The role that we play definitely deserves applause
I will be recognized because I am smart and bright
And because some people are inspired by my sight
The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility
In the back of their mind they wish they were me

We have the strength to do what we think is right
Even if it means putting up a life long fight
You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt
We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt
So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated
We are the ones that are free and pure
We're free of STD's that have no cure

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood
Just sum it up by saying, 'Baby its all good'

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt so lonely, so alone?
Feeling like you don't belong,
Every turn you make,
Every word you say,
Just don't seem to fit in anywhere…

Have you ever looked at the faces you know?
And it feels like they're not who you think they are anymore,
They suddenly speak a different language,
A language so different yet understandable,
A topic so clear yet unfamiliar…

They act like they know you,
Yet oblivious to the change in you,
That you're not the same anymore,
Not the same person they use to know,
Not the one who cares about superficiality,
Rather more to the issues of maturity…

Have you ever cried in fear and in pain?
That they just can't seem to understand,
You put up a mask like you always do,
Pretending to go along as they laugh it through…

Once or twice it seemed like they understand,
But only to mock you once again,
They act all superior putting you down,
Thinking that we are the ones whose is always wrong…

Have you ever felt like they indeed let you speak your mind?
Making you feel like you might be someone,
They hear the words said quite clearly,
But to listen is what they fail miserably…

Have you ever want to tell them that you’ve changed?
Or should you continue to pretend an act as they instruct?
Have you ever felt trapped, alone and going almost insane,
Emotions so extreme only at opposite ends...

Life is indeed the survival of the fittest,
But life is greater than any man alive,
A two-edged sword in which every one loses…

Professional Hypocrites...

I bet some of you might flinch when i say that ALL of us are hypocrites one way or another... Something simple like claiming that ur not racist but somehow u have streotypes about a particular gender or race... Or claiming that ur a "friendly" person but u select who becomes ur friend... and the list goes on.. Im not going to ramble about little petty things but something bigger that i have been pondering about for quite a while.. Its about profession and the aims of that particular profession...

Let me start with my own, what i aim to be.. One of my aims is to be a counsellor, and the aim of a counsellor is to solve people's problems or resolve the conflicts that they are surrounded with, give a helping hand.. but see this is where the hypocritical lies.. This is a profession, thus we are making profit or a living out of people's problems and conflicts.. We need those problems and conflicts to be there so that we can survive, be known, be recognised.. But yet our initial aim is to resolve or solve those problems and conflicts that anyone is facing...

So counsellor not only study for years and masters how to handle and solve people's problems and conflict BUT at the same time they NEED those problems to be there and at the same time make a living out of it...

Let me give u another example, the Police.. Their aim is to crack down on crimes, day and night.. From petty theft to drug dealers, to pirated VCD's to corruption to murders to everything else.. But think of it they too are making a living out of these crimes made.. They NEED these crimes to exist so that thay have a job a profession.. Imagine if there are no more crimes then they wont have a job no more.. therefore they cant make a living no more...

Another example.. Doctors or researchers... They strive to help those who are injured or suffering from a disease.. And we all do know (well other than Bruneians that is) that medication costs ALOT, can create holes on the wallet because its daym expensive (again not inclusive for bloody Bruneians, no offence)... But imagine if there are no more diseases in the world and everyone lives healthy and dies of natural death... then where would these so called refined doctors and researchers be? How would they make a living??

See all these problems, conflicts, diseases, crimes are the main principle of each of these profession and they aim to resolve or cure or eliminate all these... But without all these fiascos in the world there wont be any profession for them, they wont be able to make a living for....

Basically the things that they want to scrape or abolish or cure or even solve are the things that they need to live and make money from.. Other people's problems, all the crimes, all the diseases and injuries is where their next pay check is coming from and without all this there would be no bling bling.. but yet solving, eliminating, curing are the main principle and aims of this profession or occupation... Ironically hypocritical isnt it?

I dont know how many of u will see this, i might be alone in this kind of thoughts... but hey a thought is still a thought right?

Never ending turn...

Its been ages.. Once again since i wrote... Not that there were not many isgnificant events in my life that happened but too much is happening that i dont have time to write... hehe..

Backtracking from my previous post.. "where did that turn come from"... I will gladly announce to who ever reads my blog that Miss Heartless Stay Away From Me Ice Queen has finally melted and found her "Beast" and is very much in love (*gasp* did she say she's in LOVE???).... Yes! Miss Heartless is no longer single (yeah after i dont know 3 years), is now leading the un-single life and is very much in love...

Wait before i go on... No its not the im in love with some celebrity that dznt know i exist... No its not with a female... and No im not living in a fantasy.. Its happening right before my eyes and very much real... How does it feel you ask? Im discovering new length and heights to what it means being in love.. I met the prefect man for me... A man that showers me with so much love, love which is unconditional, honest, sincere and true.. Showers me with so much respect, so much care.. A man who is matured and can guide me in life.. Gosh i can go on writing about this man im so in love with... But basically he managed to turn this cold brutal heart of mine into something of worth and feeling loved and being able to love another like never before...

I am currently suffering from the insanely in love disease so please bear with me... His name is Fareez by the way... An indian mixed malaysian... Rather handsome... Very charming... Smart as well i may say... Yes a debator too... and a future lawyer... See the tricks God is playing with me... He's a combination of the worst kind i ever expected to be with but heck when the cupid arrow struck you, and it struck you pretty bad.. you fall too deep and u just keep on falling and falling and falling...

So basically... I have ended my singlehood and actually enjoying the feeling... I learn valuable lessons everyday... I become a better person as time goes by... And i find myself loving this man more and more each day.... Pray for us yeah....

Before i drive all of you insane with all this mushy stuff thats even freaking myself out right now.. I'l stop here....

*smiles*

Where did that turn come from?

Its been one heck of a time but heck its not like im gone... i was temporarily away.... Yesterday was one of the turning points of my life... one heck of a turning point that i cant say i did not expect but i didnt expect it this soon... it happened... i was caught with the truth.. i couldnt escape it.. i couldnt deny it any longer... somethimes things happens when you probably least expect them and they just slam into your face.. Maybe thats the miracles of God with his own little sense of humour.... I can imaging Him saying "Ha ha you cant run or hide any longer"...

I realized that we cant always run even when we run, there will be a particular someone that in between the time that you catch a breath, there will be someome patiently waiting for you at the "pit stop" and give you water without expecting anything in return... and when we continue running there will be that particular person who will be at the point where and when you eventually stop running, will be there waiting patiently for you... making sure that you are okay and not out of breath pt has no injury without asking for anything in return.... Sometimes they even make us turn into a junction into a whole new journey when we think its time to stop...

Im grinning.... im smiling... im happy... im in.........

what the heck am i talking about? All i can say for now is that "where did that turn come from?? what heppened to everyone else coz i can ony see you........

Self...

After a while of silence i will be addressing the issue of my current state of mind.. It seems to me that more often than not i tend to get confused be confused.. The more i know i about something, the more i realize how much i dont know.. and sometimes the things that i thought i knew, i end up not knowing.... I tend to analyze the people around me every moment but i somehow take a moment longer to take a while to analyze myself...

Its funny that at times i seem to be full of confidence but at times i found myself to be with none... I understand the fact that nothing is perfect and sometimes things do go wrong... These multiple masks that we use for our face seems to confuse me even more... Confuse me about myself and about other people too...

I mean are the things they tell me as sincere and honest like i thought it is? Are the things they tell me something real about me or issit because of one of the masks i put on? In a journey of self realization and evaluation we all are but.... why is it so hard for us to define who we are? I mean i can be giving one of my brightest smile just to hide the fact that im crying inside... I can still carry on a conversation with someone with a pleasant tone but infact its all just to hide the fact that im actually irritated with his/her behavior... In my Psychology of Interpersonal Relations, i realize that there are many things that we do consciously and unconsciously in our everyday daily interaction.... we also talked about the "masks" we put on... So i started to wander, with the many masks that are at times essential for our life and interaction with others how do we know that the behavior we portray are actually reflecting our sincere attitude? When is the time that we know that we are not wearing the mask?

Because i believe in one way or another the masks we put on defines who we are in the end... For example, imagine myself confessing that im actually a shy person who is pretty much in reality an anti-social, one that does not like to smile at all when most of you know me as a "friendly, talkative or possibly a socialite"... wouldnt that mean that i have been "lying" for so long to myself and the people around me that somehow the thought of me being someone anti-social seems very odd....

That is why i think with the confusion i have for myself, no wander its hard for people to understand me.. and because of that, i think thats why i have been leading the single life for such a long long time (believe me its a loooong time indeed).... I think other than the fact that i have many qualities in my "list" that is usually unfulfilled by the guys that comes my way i think it would be unfair for me to be involved in a relationship and it would do My Man injustice when i myself is still engulfed in my own confusion.. Then, he will be in love with someone thats just not who i am...

Me saying this might make one wonder if my actions towards him or her has been sincere all these while or its just fake? I clarify here that most of the time my actions and words i believe is true and honest... but i cant help it if i just had to cover up and lie... i guess thats why most of us are skeptic about things in life.. because we know sometimes we lie to people and we know we are being lied to most of the time...

I believe im not the only one with these thoughts... but thats life i suppose.. that is what makes life interesting and we have a will to live for the next day... because there is just so much that we dont know... so much that we are yet to discover... and this excites us more than we often realize.. whats life is everything is known right? *honest smile*

Red and White tribute

About a week ago, 9th August 2006, it was Singapore's 41st National Day... And according to my passport (nationality) and the place of birth.. I shall be allowed to claim that 9th of August was MY country's national day (Note: Any disagreement on this statement of mine shall be attended to)...



So i shall make a small "tribute" to the country call Singapore by writing a little bit about what i actually like in Singapore... Basically, after much thought.. other than the that fact Singapore is clean and that most of my extended family lives in Singapore and that gives me a reason to go to Singapore every now and then... I found out a few things that i actually like about Singapore.. It is namely, the FOOD over there... From where you may ask? The best-est place is none other than my 2 beloved gradma's house... and other than that, practially almost everywhere (if you know where to find it) the food is good... From the typical Malay food, to the Indian Food, to the Arab food, to the Chinese food, even to the fast food restaurants... all are actually on the average edible and some to an extent that it can be said as good delicious food... although these places cant beat my mother's or two granny's cooking... its relatively good... Maybe some of you cant actually relate to this because you might think that "hey in Singapore its hard to find halal food" --> WRONG! <-- Its relatively easy to find halal food in Singapore... Just go to Geylang, Bedok, Arab street, Little India and more other places.. You will and can find good edible halal food...

Other than that, the other thing i like about Singapore, based on my own experience, is their Taxi service... Believe it or not, after being in Taxis in Malaysia, Singaproe Taxi is wayyyyyyyy better.. NO offence but seriously... Taxi Service in Singapoer, not only that you will NEVER be cheated like these no-god taxi drivers in Malaysia you will also not encounter rude taxi drivers... Rude here ranges to making remarks when you are being cautious as to wether the driver did switch on the meter (coz naturally theres alot of cheating cases) to the "boleh tak saya ambik adik saya pastu baru hantar awak sebab kita nak balik rumah -translation- can i pick up my little sibling first then i send you off because we are going home after that"... I mean IF you wanna pick up your sis/bro and go back home why on earth did u take a passenger? Basically, in comparison between Malaysia Taxi Service/Driver with Singapore's Taxi Service/Driver.. I can conclude that Singapore is better.... I cant compare with Brunei's Taxi Service coz i never been in one, in Brunei Taxi are most probably only used by tourist.... So there goes my little tribute to Singapore.. My country... yes i am a disgrace to my "own" country because those listed are the only things that i like about singapore.. but heyy first i havent lived in Singapore to discover the nice things they have over there and second, i should not criticize my "own" country on its national day... that can be done on a later time... hehe..

Other facts about Singapore

* Yes chewing gum is banned in Singapore

* Yes its a "fine" country.. Like IIUM anything wrong done, you will be fined

* Our National Anthem is in Bahasa Melayu a.k.a Malay
MAJULAH SINGAPURA

Mari kita rakyat Singapura
Sama-sama menuju bahagia
Cita-cita kita yang mulia
Berjaya Singapura
Marilah kita bersatu
Dengan semangat yang baru
Semua kita berseru
Majulah Singapura
Majulah Singapura

*Along side that, we have a pledge that is in English which i only learn by heart this national day (hehe)

OUR PLEDGE

We, the citizens of Singapore,
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society
based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

For more information about Singapore, DONT ask me... ur bette off going to Google and type "Singapore".. hehe

Grrrr....

It has come to my attention, becoming more apparent that this world not only lack peace and stability but most of all UNDERSTANDING... On a minor scope, we as individuals, wether we realize it or not, lack the blessing of understanding.. We just simpy dont understand.. More often than not, when we see something different than what we are accustomed to, we immediately start criticizing, thinking or saying "what the hell is s/he thinking?" "what on earth is s/he doing?"... but why cant we pause for a moment and try to question in a more positive manner and try to understand rather than condemning that other person?

Well true that some of the things people do or think are down right outrageous, like wearing huge ass shades in campus in the library or think that bombing little kids and old ladies are fun and sticking a cigarette bud on a 8 mth year old baby while stealing his mother's purse is necessary (or maybe just plain fun)... Those are madness that as sane people, we do not understand... BUT there are things that we can atleast try to understand before we make any judgements.. Simple things in life, like culture... Many of my foreign friends often laugh at the way the malay culture or the typical mind set of the malays... and some malays that i know do the same thing to them as well... For example, something simple like eating durian.. the foreigners make disgusting looking faces.. and the locals make shocked looking faces when they see big fluffy hijab on the heads of these people... Why? Simple, both sides just dont understand...

Even on this little scale we dont understand each other... its only natural to think that the world is like that as well.. and that we have seen... its not enough that non-muslims are killing muslims like mad, even among the muslims themselves they are biting each others head off... the time where we need support and understanding most, more differences are hilighted, more conflicting points are found.. WHAT HAPPNED TO UNITY??? Wasnt Islam suppose to be the unifying point?? Cant we just put aside or differences and focus on the fact that we are muslims, we believe in the same book, The Holy Quran, and help each other out? If only, we understood.... If only, we have respect... If only it was easier done than said....

It saddens the heart that innocent people are killed evey single day... muslims are no longer united.. and to add to the wound, some individual's marriage preparations is made front page time and time again just because she's famous INSTEAD of the more important things that is going on in the world... Madness...

My growing discontent and frustrations over the fact that theres too much madness and insanity going in the world and im sitting here in the presence of d pc and the internet infront of me, in the university where im gonna get my Psychology degree (insya allah) and i still have the nerve to whining about the things going on in my life.. which if compared to other things going on, is like a grain of sugar among the tons of salt.. Shit.. thats madness over there... HUman being are indeedn selfish being...

The yesterdays of today...

I can still recall how it used to be
The dream of us being forever be
The joy and laughter shared
The pain and the tears shed

It was deep, it was burning
It was insane, it was mad
You made me feel again
Like I once almost nearly had

But this was different
It was powerful, it was burning
Creating the warmth of love all over
Feeling happiness and madness of living

You became a part of me
I became a part of you
You completed me
As I completed you

As deep as it was
Fate had decided for us
Separated million miles away separated by land and sea
Apart we were forded to be

Now no more warmth felt
Shivers and tears around
We cried till tears are no more of worth
Acceptance is all we are bound

Seems like we burn a little bit too much
That we dug the hole a little too deep
For forced separation was the hardest thing
That my soul just bleed, bleed and bleed

It seems that yesterday was the day it started
Tomorrow was how is ended
For today was the beginning of the end
My love, will I ever see you again?

" I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me,Remember us and all we used to beI've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.I've watched you sleeping for a while.I'd be the father of your child.I'd spend a lifetime with you.I know your fears and you know mine.We've had our doubts but now we're fine,And I love you, I swear that's true.I cannot live without you.Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me. "
- Goodbye My Lover By James Blunt

And after a while without posting anything.. of all the things... i feel poetic... emo to say the least.. The things running around in campus being all buzy can do to you... *sigh*